I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
He kissed a someone with a penis
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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