So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
