I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
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