I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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