Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
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