You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
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