I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
