My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize
