The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
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