So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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