I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
