The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
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