Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Randomize
