Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
