if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
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