i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
