She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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