she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
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