hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
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Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
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My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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