The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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