Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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