Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
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