We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
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