OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
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