if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
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