I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
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Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
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