dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
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