Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Randomize
