I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
