how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Randomize
