Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
We are two peas in an std pod
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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