SEEEEXXX PLEASE
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
we're making bets on your personal life
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Randomize
