By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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