why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
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