I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
