Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
