just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Randomize
