He had one of those small greek statue penises
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Randomize
