Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Randomize
