I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
