i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
