At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
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