he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
