The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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