thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
