I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
