Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
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