drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
