Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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