I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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