Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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