just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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