I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
