you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
