your thong is hanging out like whoa
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
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