I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
