hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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