dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
