Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
