So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
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