to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
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