you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
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