There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Randomize
