I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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