when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
