why didn't you poke me back
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
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