My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Randomize
