I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
