Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
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