dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
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Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
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When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
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