Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
