let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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