You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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