Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
