Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
