i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
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