I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Randomize