Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Randomize
