I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
